I tried pulling her off. She screamed in pain.“Daddy, don’t, it hurts too much, you have to stay with me now, unless you want to hurt me.”I squeezed her into my chest. I loved her, I loved my daughter so much and I never did want to leave her. But, but I had to. I raised her from birth, as her body began growing into preference, I began treating her differently, I raised her into this. Did I subliminally train her to do this, my sick way of confirming to myself that this is all ok?“Daddy, you made me, you own me, you’re allowed to do whatever you want to me.”I raised her to be independent, egalitarian, live under no one; I gave her all the attention I could, tried everything in my power to make her faultless; now she tells me that I own her. What have I done?“I want this daddy, I really do; it’s just hard to smile when you want to leave me and mommy because you think I’m not you’re perfect little girl. I want you to love me like you love mommy too, I’m not as young as you. ”“Oh, yeah ... We need to eat, though.”“Next intersection that has restaurants, choose something,” I said.“No, you choose.”“Whatever. You’re gonna argue, then I’ll choose. Not like there are a lot of choices.”Actually, there were a few choices. I pulled up Yelp on his iPhone. “Not the next intersection. The one after that. Mexican. I desire cheese dip.”I got my cheese dip. We split an order of fajitas. There was a certain tension in the air, though. I think we both sort of rolled out some words and were worried about how they’d play out.Back in the car. “Tommy, do we keep dating?”“I don’t see why not. I wasn’t exactly chasing women when you showed up. If I’m gonna date, it’s gonna be you...”“But ... Am I unattractive? You haven’t tried...”“Not because you’re unattractive, for darned sure, Mimi. I want that to mean something. I know, I know ... physical act. I’m broken that way.”“I understand.”“Mimi, I played like that for years. I stopped. I had this one girl, she was gonna be it for.
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